Dj's corner

Goals are probably overrated

These days I genuinely struggle to work on most things. I prepare a list of specific tasks to tackle once I wake up, yet I end up sleeping in unless there's something "important". It sucks to see how I am able to eventually overcome myself when it's for my university and part-time job, while I fail to do it for myself. I know I've struggled to prioritize myself for a long time. However, I think things have been changing for the better this year. I identified it as a real problem at some point. How can I not be the most important person for myself? Why do I always put others in front of myself? These were the questions I had to ask myself.

I admit it often feels nice to be a person who is willing to be there for others every time they need it. The thing is though it is very complicated for me to keep such instances in a healthy amount. For example, I can afford a few days or even weeks of my very active support. But, sooner or later, there comes a moment when I simply feel used up. That's when I usually end up "retrieving" and not talking to others as I need to recharge too. Even though it is true I would benefit from my friends' encouraging words during some periods, I prefer dealing with challenges on my own. I believe most of my issues can be resolved by nobody else but myself.

Last year, I made an interesting conclusion. Every time I reached out to others while being in such a state, I tried to avoid facing myself. It is as though I wanted somebody else to save me from myself. Well, I have never hurt myself nor do I ever intend in the future. Nevertheless, I tend to be extremely hard on myself rather frequently. A lot of criticism and doubt are brought in. As I mentioned above, I have seen some significant progress this year. I am definitely proud of that fact. But my relationships with myself are still flawed. I don't respect and encourage myself as much as I would like to. Starting this blog right before one of the most difficult annual periods for me — every year in November — is where I see my light of hope in a long grey tunnel this time.

I have a few "distant" goals at the moment. However, they have not been able to wake me up enough. What I am really missing is my typical routine, a state of mind when I follow my words without any exceptions. It shouldn't surprise me that I have been out of shape according to my own standards when so many small factors are not well aligned with my vision. In the meantime, I have also gotten my fingers burned in the context of goal setting quite a few times over the past 2-3 years. For example, I longed to achieve a goal for a while. But as soon as I did, I was paralyzed sitting there. I could finally "have" my goal yet so what? I did not have any idea what should come next. I guess a huge part of the problem was how obsessed I became (unfortunately still do nowadays) with my plans. I am much better at letting go of people than ideas.

A few weeks ago, I picked up a book called "Atomic Habits" by James Clear. I am sure it is a well-known one among folks who are into self-development. But as you could learn from my very first post on Bear, I am not an enthusiastic reader. So it is kinda no wonder that despite wanting to get a new perspective on habits from the book, I could not make much progress so far. But those 30 pages that I have "conquered" seem to become a good reminder for me — small actions matter. It is worth taking the time to structure deep systems on how to approach certain areas in life.

I can potentially fall short while chasing a goal, but will it really matter when my strong routine allows me to take another battle again? What I am trying to get across is that working towards a goal and expecting a specific outcome out of it very likely limits me more than it helps. Meanwhile, I believe if I have a good daily system, I do not need to go all in with one goal. If my daily steps are made forward in general, then results will eventually come too. Moreover, they might be inside other areas than those that I have been thinking about. It sounds like a more flexible and fulfilling scenario.

These days I am honestly tired of worrying about my future. Not as much at stake as my brain has been trying to convince me. In fact, there will be even less if I am certain I can take a different route any time without losing in quality significantly. But doing so requires a proper routine, an environment where I spend 90% of my time anyway. After all, it is actually necessary to take my current slacking more seriously and make a mindset shift for how much importance I put behind my goals. I would like to see a bigger picture.

#english #personalChallenges