Dj's corner

It is always either one or the other

When it usually comes to new ideas, I have to admit I am quite a narrow-minded individual. It is not something I like about my personality. Oftentimes, taking such a position is what holds me back from evolving. There is an actual risk that a few harmful beliefs have been residing for years on the inside because of that. They were probably relevant at the time of being adopted; however, it's been a while since then. Thus, it may be good time to have an inner check-up.

If I were to guess why I have been this way, I would probably say it's due to how careful I tend to be with making the "right" choices. To me, every scenario has either a good or bad choice. Every freaking time. Nothing in-between. It is a shame since I can tell that I put a lot of pressure on myself by perceiving things this way. If I make the right choice, it is a huge success. But if I end up choosing the wrong one, is it a bigger fail then? It seems to me that by simplifying decisions so much, there is no room to discover something new. The right choice made long ago is the right choice every time, or that's what my mind thinks at least.

It may often be so tempting to go for a safer, more "rational" option, but what if taking a risk has a greater potential? In fact, what if there is neither wrong nor right one? What if there are just two choices, one of which is to be made?

Perhaps, the fear of failing has persisted in me for a reason. How can it not when I still keep viewing most scenarios I find myself in as a crossroad. But the crossroad offers specifically two extreme outcomes. Moving in the direction of crossroad A, I win a lottery. Moving in the direction of crossroad B, I lose all I have in life. Moving backwards is illegal. So is making no move at all. It is even more interesting how I need to convince myself that the choice I am making is superior. But logic barely gets a word there, feelings narrate the whole thing.

Although it is difficult to accept the fact that the choices I have made this far are just choices, I think it is time to do it. Furthermore, I am starting to find myself wondering of how much I have deprived myself staying close-minded for so long. But the time cannot be brought back. In fact, I would not want to even try. Looking back, there's very little I regret in my eyes. I am, on the contrary, well aware all those decisions have taken me to a point where I am nowadays.

Anyways, there is still a lot of time moving forward. I can still learn how to allow myself to have more options to choose from. I have a feeling making more mistakes is what is going to open my eyes even more. Yes, that's right. I have higher odds to see a more complete version of myself with dozens of slip-ups under my belt. To be fair, I may be putting it a bit strangely when I mention "mistakes". The truth is there have been very few mistakes I could ever make. And these have not been on my radar for years. So what I am actually getting at is to allow myself to be introduced to new roads in life. Or even build some myself.

#english #personalChallenges #reconsidered #thoughts