Learning languages is more fun than using them
As a kid, I did not think much of foreign languages. I spoke Ukrainian daily and was comfortable with Russian because it was very spred. The old still used it after the dissolution of the Soviet Union. Speaking of which, I sometimes wonder how different Ukrainians would've lived if say Ukraine had not been related to Russia for so long. Well, I am not going to discuss politics here in depth but I wish the Soviet Union had never been a thing in the first place.
Apparently, just like most kids, I had English in school. But as it was often the case with language learning in public schools in Ukraine, students were barely able to use it. They could learn some vocabulary and grammar. However, it always felt to me that we studied the international language because we had to finish the class, not because we were expected to use it one day. I do not mean to blame teachers in this case; I thought they were mostly fine. But my understanding of why to speak English was indeed poor.
At some point, I found myself thinking about moving abroad. Perhaps, it had dawned on me that if I wanted to live comfortably in another country, I should become comfortable with English. When I started learning English intentionally in my free time, I was around A1. I knew how to read more or less. I knew basic vocabulary. But it is safe to say my language skills were quite passive. I could not understand speech. I could not even connect a few words to say or write them. Yet it was for the first time in my life when I was both genuinely interested in the process and had my why for doing that.
Anyways, I thought it was necessary to mention this background to understand a bit better what I am going to talk about now.
I improved my English significantly (although it slips my mind frequently...) over those few years I studied it, preparing to immigrate. And I eventually did. But to my surprise, I was somewhat persuaded to take up another foreign language. It is the language of a country where I have been staying for the past 3.5 years — the Czech language. Looking back, I realize it was naive to want to move to the Czech Republic without planning to learn the language. Furthermore, I came to the conclusion that despite English being used almost anywhere, it does not mean it is not worth learning the language of a place where one lives. For one, people who do not speak English still exist and probably will for a long time. So Czech does come in handy at times. For two, Czech people seeing how a foreigner tries to speak their language often appreciate it. I would say this fact demonstrates in itself about how determinant you are to become a part of a new group.
It is probably time to refer to the post's title. I came up with it suddenly when I was reflecting on what my attitude towards learning languages has shaped into. It feels like I have always been anxious to use foreign languages in real conversations. For example, I really enjoyed studying grammar. I also had a lot of fun with figuring out differences between similar words and their real meanings. But I was barely able to transfer that knowledge to my conversations. In fact, I preferred avoiding human interactions for the most part. How weird does it sound? I know right.
By all means there is a myriad of things I have yet to improve in English, Czech, and even Ukrainian. Though it seems I need to remind myself where the languages are being used. Sure, I can learn them and keep all the knowledge to myself. But isn't it actually less fun? Isn't it a demo version of what speaking foreign languages is supposed to be? I guess the answer is yes and yes.
And no, no teacher or friends can change that. Working with a teacher makes sense as long as it is an additional source of knowledge and confidence. But the change must start from the within. Friends can definitely support me, provide me with a space and opportunities to practice my skills. Nevertheless, it is not what my solution is going to look like. Even while talking with friends, I still often find moments to mention how much my skills suck.
It honestly makes me sad how I have been perceiving language learning, which has been in my life for a good couple years now. Instead of making the most out of it, I decided not to let my imperfect skills shine, and hence nobody can see them. How can others appreciate my effort and become closer with me when I don't appreciate it myself? There might be no easy shortcut this time, yet there is a route I am willing to take — improve languages with the intention to use them more and be appreciative of my current progress. If there are potentially people out there who are willing to accept the imperfect me, why pretend to be someone else? After all, languages were designed for humans to connect with each other, not divide further.