Life is a gift
It can be easy to forget about the beauty of life at times. Going through its challenges can leave us exhausted and hopeless. Some of us believe that we will go to a better place once our life on Earth is over. Others think there is nothing waiting for us at the end of this road — we disappear, without a trace to follow.
For a long time, I have been among the former. My perception of death was long ago formed by the number of deaths in my family. There was a time when neighbors wondered how so many people would interact with each other daily, how we would keep in touch after moving to different places. Life prepared a harsh answer though. At first, some of my grandparents did not even get the opportunity to see my first steps in life. Then my parents, after being around not for so long, left this place despite wanting to stay. Last but not least, some of the close people decided to abandon me permanently while still living on. That's how a big family turned into one consisting of just 3.
It is impossible for such events not to affect one drastically. Though, as a child, I could never grasp the depth of these left voids. I wanted to believe that I would meet my dearest some sunny day. But now that I think about it, I can see that living to finally meet people that are not with me physically anymore might deprive me of many precious things I am holding. As I was writing this, song "Time" by Hanz Zimmer started playing. I am not the person who has seen many movies in my recent life (we are talking 10-12 years here). But "Inception" was the one I was introduced to a few years ago by my friend. And am I really grateful to him I have experienced such a masterpiece in my lifetime.
The reason I am even mentioning the movie, or rather its soundtrack, is because it is what I have come to realize. Older people usually tell me, "Don't worry, you still have a lot of time in life". It sounds soothing in the moment. However, if I give it a thought, how much time do I actually still have? How can I be sure that tomorrow is guaranteed to me?
It's been a couple years that I have been familiar with an idea called Memento Mori. It is a Latin phrase that can be translated as Remember you must die. I think it is a very important reminder for me. After all, I do have limited time on Earth. And what comes after it? Well, nobody can tell me. I can continue coming up with my own interpretations but I will never get an answer. I will have to experience it myself someday. Though I won't be able to share my discovery with others anymore.
Different life stages are actually more fascinating than scary to me. Coming into this world. Getting used to it. Learning about yourself in it. Passing your knowledge to future generations. Accepting that your life has come to an end. Each stage has many beautiful lessons. In fact, it is necessary for all of them to be experienced thoroughly. I believe that's what human experience should be like.
It is true that we don't get to choose the initial and the final stages. They just happen to us. But everything in-between? There is so much we can do within that scope. Furthermore, the realization that it might be our only chance to get the ultimate human experience is motivating. There are a lot of questions to be asked. But it seems we do not even know who to ask, let alone have confidence that we will get our answers eventually.
Up until now, I have always wanted to understand life before living it. I guess it is natural for a human being to aim for certainty and stability. Nevertheless, that's just not how things often work. To have at least some chances to understand 5-10% of life, I should live it. Life is not meant to be difficult and scary. I do not want to perceive it this way. I want to cherish it for a gift that it is.
At some point, parents presented it to me. They were taken by death soon. But I stayed. I stayed to write my own story. I stayed to live a life that I will not be afraid to let go of when time comes however soon it will be. If I was told that tomorrow would be my last day here, would I be relieved and proud? Or would I be anxious and regretful?