Perfectionism could be less of a curse
With all the recent events in my life, I have been again reminded about one of the most obvious qualities of mine — trying to do things perfectly. It does not even matter if a project is something I am genuinely excited about, or if it's a mandatory task from university. I cannot help but try to do it flawlessly. A part of that mindset is also how little I am willing to let others see my flaws. It often feels rather annoying how I cannot leave things just as they are, instead I need to make sure they look good enough for "judges" from the outside.
The current form of my perfectionism is more unhealthy than healthy. There are quite a few areas where I want to invest my energy, yet I tend to stay paralyzed. The more I realize I cannot do something well and there's very little inner resource I can dedicate to it now, the more discouraged I feel. I admit it's very easy for me to get attached to an idea. So when I start envisioning something, it controls me in a way. Well, I am yet to learn how to handle more interests at once because I am not very good at it these days.
Meanwhile, as the title says, I believe I can make this trait of mine less harmful. I feel like the healthy form of perfectionism can give my projects (of any kind) a nicer touch. It also helps me strive to become better. Basically, the fear of being imperfect drives me forward — when I start feeling anxious due to being too flawed, I start taking action. However, deep down I know humans are flawed; that's just a part of our nature. I guess I will have to finally accept this truth sometime too.
After beginning this blog a few weeks ago, so many writing ideas have come to me. Currently, I have a list of 10+ things I want to capture here. But instead of gradually making them alive, I end up hoarding them as if I benefit just from their mere presence. What I have noticed is that whenever an interesting idea crosses my mind, it is often better to express it in the moment. If I don't do so, it is going to turn into dust since I will not very likely be able to opt for one when I look at the long list. Choosing one would mean "pushing away" others, which is not easy to come to terms with.
Nevertheless, I want to make a conscious effort to use my perfectionism in my favor more often. I do not have to get rid of it completely. If I allow not all but some amount of it to appear in my actions, it can provide them with greater quality. In fact, I do not need to be perfect. I could be good enough in a humble way, which aligns with my identity even more.