When you have a place to return to
Yesterday, I came back from a short trip to Paris. My friend and I went there to see Linkin Park live. It was truly a dream come true. I am still in shock it actually happened. But what I am about to write here is about different things. It will be about some reflections I had on the way home.
I have been living in Prague for the past 3 years. When I came here for the first time, the world was a different place. Yes, it was during covid time, yet there were no wars that are now often mentioned in the news. For example, the country I come from — Ukraine — used to be a way more peaceful place than it is these days. I personally did not see my future self in my country. That's how I made the decision to move to the Czech Republic for studies in 2021.
The period of adaptation was quite challenging for me. I did not have any relatives or friends in this new country. I had to face new challenges on my own, which I had been preparing for while still in Ukraine. However, as time went on, I admitted I could not imagine how hard certain situations would hit me on a personal level. For instance, I thought I would have an easier time speaking Czech. The reality was different though. I struggled and still do quite a lot (after 3 years of living here) to use the Czech language well. This personal issue affects more areas of my life than I would like to admit. Anyways, this post is not about my relationships with the languages I speak.
I guess the reason I have decided to bring that fact up is because of its role in my old dilemma. When I left my home in Ukraine, for a long time I did not feel like I found a new one in the Czech Republic. Yes, I did not want to stay in Ukraine. But I did not get attached to Czechia as much as I expected either. Something was missing for me. At some point, I realized it was mostly my biased perception. I did not let myself feel at home even though it was easier than it seemed.
This whole time, I have had a lot of thoughts on this whole "home" matter. I started questioning my stay here and wondering what other countries would feel like. Unfortunately, negative things about the Czech Republic have mostly been on the surface for me. It is a shame I have forgotten the positives. It is said one gets used to the good so quickly. Well, I think it's partially the case with me. But there is one more detail — my strange expectations. I guess I unintentionally let them go wrong, and I failed to stop the toxic pattern in time.
If I look at my experience in the Czech Republic objectively, it has been life-changing. It is safe to say I have been turning into a more mature person in this environment. Well, I still have my challenges and fears but I am trying to keep my head up and work on them. Going through my university chapter adds to these struggles too. Due to a lot of stress, I often end up becoming oblivious to where I am and what I have.
Nevertheless, despite all of that, Prague is actually my home. I might sometimes get annoyed by its residents and tourists, but I love coming back here. Every time I do, I find myself thinking, "Oh, how nice it is to be back home". Prague has its advantages and disadvantages but it definitely deserves to be called my home now. Things may change in the future — I could move to another place — but I will stay forever grateful for this environment where I have grown so much.